Poem ~ Reminiscence

Written 2/13/12
These are random thoughts that decided to spill from my mind about an hour ago. It captures my ongoing struggle with depersonalization disorder and the remarkable power of love.

As I stare into your eyes from afar

A new world surrounds me, a new cognitive viewpoint

Be it real as it seems, or a magnificent work of fiction

Make no mistake, I'd rather not be anywhere else

A place where substance is non existence

The trueness and power of energy realized

All drifts and sways, comes and goes

The only stability..my love for you

You, you are my only reality

Or perhaps the reality I'd rather choose

For what is reality, but the perception of the beholder

May that not be as I wish?

So if I wish for a life to be lived instead of being followed

And I wish for happiness and contentment of my soul

Not tactile pleasure nor mind merely satisfied in this moment

I wish for my being to be at rest with all that is

Then why can you not be my reality?

Why can't we, just be?

Society should not tell us how to calm the devils in the details

Nor should it define the holes to avoid

Why, can we not just be?

You have long embarked on your spiritual journey

Out to learn from the wisest professor of life's teachings himself

Experience

Alas, I have fallen short

A metallic chain inextricably connects our cores

Even our minds seem to verbalize the same thinkings

We follow the same inner teachings

Togetherness, the warmness of the other's presence freeing

Emotion that seems to surpass such a mere humanly label

These other humans pass, soulless in my eyes

Unrelatable

You walk the tightrope between both worlds

My vision in your presence now clearer

Surrounding beauty undeniably evident

You do not define me

No, but you have made me more me than I have ever been

At such a young age, soul tattered and worn

The slow hum of suffering plays constant in my ears

With you

Light fills my core

An astounding change in perspective of Life

And now, your physical body has disintegrated in my world

Loneliness profound

My being, I still connect to

Though this connection to 'otherness' no longer can be found

No longer have I anything to hide

For here, I have at last found one other

Your soul shining through your eyes has somehow, unexplainably, led me more steadily on the path of mine

I will never forget that.